Saturday, 07 February 2009

• yep...u guessed it.

  we broke up.

  and now that im no longer screaming like im crazy, i can talk about it.  it totally went plummeting face first down a hill after i told her [[partially]] everything. im two sided about it. i want to believe that he's the greatest thing to ever happen to me and he only diffused our relationship because he saw what it did to our friendship and it totally killed him to let me go because he loves(-ed??) me sooo much. then again, that may not have been his intentions when he all of a sudden stopped the phone calls everyday like normal or doing anything like normal. and he was really seeing someone else and just waiting for a way out.

  either way. we go days without talking. we did not formally break up. we never had that conversation. but i am not stupid. i was emailing him. calling. texting. crying. screaming. cursing...........................................going through it as if he called me the worst girlfriend on the planet and ended things by cheating on me.

  it gets easier each day that goes by. it KILLED me slowly in the beginning and i was totally going thru it. couldnt sleep at night....couldnt stop thinking of him...feeling crazy. he wouldnt answer any of my questions. he was acting pretty nonchalant. the best way to hurt me.

  its been about a month and a half. maybe two months. im not sure.  but next week will be the second month-aversary that we will not celebrate as being boyfriend/girlfriend.

  i try to keep my mind away from him. work, studying, the gym....anything. and im starting to date again, and talk to old guy friends again...and actually physically being around the guy im dating reminds me of how much i was missing by him being so far away.

  i dont think i will ever do another long distance relationship like that ever again.

  • 10:19 PM
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