Wednesday, 11 March 2009

  • he called....

    so ive been thinking about this like crazy...and cant seem to let it go...and hopefully this will help.

    last friday, while i was in a dressing room, trying on clothes, i miss his call AND he leaves a voicemail. just seeing his number on my caller id shot my nerves to pieces. my heart is racing as i dial my voicemail to hear what he left.

    "ive been thinking about calling you for a couple of days now. jus wanted to say whats up and see how you were doing."

    DELETE.

    but i called him back. try to be casual. take a deep breath as he answers.  im nice...casual...trying to be normal. ask how's school going...what he was up to...and then he says he's going to call me back bc he's getting ready to lay down for a nap.  wha??? what was the point in calling if you had intentions of taking a nap? 

    but thats besides the point.  never-the-less, he doesnt call back. and im messed up for the rest of the weekend.  what does it mean that he's been thinking of calling me for a few days? was he nervous? does he miss me???

    then on top of that, when i went out with my remaining best friend from this scandal (the weekend before last), she tells me that my now xbff told her that she thinks she's ready to work out our friendship.

    ...............

    that pissed me off. i understand what i did was immoral. fine. but i feel like we had been friends for some years and ive done a lot for her over the years...and i kno that might not make up for what i did, but it should count for something. and i kno that people handle things differently than others, but she decided to hold a grudge against me for some months.  clearly our friendship wasnt all that we cracked it up to be, bc if it was....she couldve just answered my phone call that night, and we couldve squashed it then. and our friendship could have either survived it or failed.  but its like....all of a sudden, now she regulates things? yes, i hurt her, but i was hurt by the things she said and how she acted post incident.  i just dont feel like thats fair.  now i have to kiss her ass and beg her to be friends with me again bc i kno summer is coming up and we always spent so much time together during the summer???

    nah.

    im good. my life hasnt changed drastically without her being in it.  so i guess she didnt have as much of an effect as i thought she did. it was really really hard in the beginning...but now?? it just doesnt matter.

    and i reminded my best friend of this. and that i had enough friends. i dont need to  add her back into my life to feel complete. i just....flipped out when i heard this nonsense. i don even have this chick in my phonebook anymore. none-the-less as a friend on ANY website. so i dont see her updates, nor do i think about her. so......need her? wanna work on a friendship?? NO thank you. life's just FINE w/o u.

    and im missing him.  like im crazy. every since that phone call...its got me thinking of sooo much.  like who is the one loving him now? who's the one he calls baby everyday now? does he miss us like i miss us sometimes?

    i think im just lonely right now. im tired of being mistreated in relationships. im tired of men trying to just get to my body before they get to my mind and get to know me.

    i just want a serious boyfriend right now. a cute one lol. (talk about beggars being choosey). i want to be in love and have someone who needs me just as much as i need them (emotionally). i deserve someone who will treat me right. i dont want drama anymore. i dont want to settle for less. someone who will give his best bc im giving my best. not someone who wants my goodies bc he took me to the movies! wtf. just dont want it anymore.

    there's a guy who's in my training program...who i kind of....have a crush on, actually. i kno you're not supposed to date someone that you work with, but in may, he'll be going back to working in a nearby city (their corporation trains at our worksite but go back to work at their office after qualifying). he's not all that cute, but he's got the most gorgeous eyes and eyelashes (lol).  he's a little older, he's 26 (im 21)...but i dont think thats too bad. and he's a nice size...kind of built....not too big or skinny at all. and he makes me laugh...and makes mention sometimes about how he thinks im beautiful...or that i have a nice smile....u kno like the littlest things that are soooooooooooo important and lovely lol.

    ive been waiting for this guy to make a move further than just flirting with me at work. im waiting for him to slyly ask for my number under the guise of needing it for something pertaining to work.

    idk....sometimes i think he really likes me...and sometimes i dont.  he keeps asking me if i have a boyfriend. and asks me questions about my ex...and i dont mind asking...and it doesnt kill me to have this conversation...but i just wish that he would.....do something else! lol

    he seems really sweet and romantic...and he keeps talking about how he wants to get married. and doesnt really believe in divorce (under certain situations he would, which i agree and feel the same way about marriage)

     

  • Choose Identity

  • Give eProps (?)

  • New! You can now edit your comments for 15 minutes after submitting.

About this Entry

Who recommended?